maybe the worst

I've had a long term relationship with God.
It's been up and down.
At times we have been very close; it's hard to explain. I get along with Him and He lovingly leads and guides and assures me.
Other times have been different. I wouldn't say I questioned His existence, or doubted my faith. But there have been stretches of time that I felt alone. It's sort of like when I'm in the living room and Jan is in the bedroom and it seems as though we're miles apart. I never question whether Jan's in there or not; I just feel alone.
One of the ways I've sensed a closeness to God is the way He speaks to my conscience.
One such conversation with God occurred a few times over the years after I graduated from high school.
You see, I used to have a sharp tongue and a critical spirit. I used to be a real smart aleck. I could say very mean things about someone and think I was being funny.
There was a girl in high school that had a peculiarly shpaed nose.
I nick-named her "Hookie."
I didn't really know her; she seemed quiet. My friends and I would tease each other about her. You know, "...are you going out wth Hookie...?" type stuff.
At one point it deteriorated into my pestering a guy I didn't like about liking her.
I remember it coming to a point where a fight almost ensued after a bus ride with the school band.
Anyway...
After I got out of high school I eventually matured (a little).
Then I began to see this type of behavior in teens and adults.
It was hideous and it offended my spirit.
And God invaded my conscience.
"Hey, Don, remember Hookie?" He would say.
It happened several times over a number of years.
Each time I would pray for the ones doing the bugging. I would pray for the ones being bugged. And I would pray and ask God to forgive me. Then I would pray for "Hookie."
It's been a long time since I've felt an urge to pray for her and I believe God has more than forgiven me.
I wonder, though, what kind of irreparable damage I have done with my mouth.
I wihs I could say that I've got good control over my tongue, but that would be a lie.
I still make comments I regret. I still smart off once in a while. I still have a God who says, "What'd you just say?" and reminds me to make quick repairs when He nudges me.
"Hookie" had a name. It was Vickie. I hope that God sent someone to her in her life that valued that name and loved her enough to whisper it sweetly and kindly many times in her ears.
God does that sort of thing. I know. He gave me a lovely girl that doesn't mind being a "Pew."
For whatever it's worth, "Sorry, Vickie."
I'm trying not to waste my breathe being critical any more.
I suggest you don't, either.
"We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way. We can make a large horse turn around and go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a tiny rudder makes a huge ship turn around wherever the pilot wants it to go, even though the winds are strong. So, also the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself." James 3:2-6 (NLT)